I started this at the tail end of my lunch break Monday morning. I had to click “save draft,” so I could clock back in.
Needless to say, I ate dinner and went straight to bed when I got home. I didn’t sleep well Sunday.
At least the latest podcast is ready for public consumption. Seventeen episodes is an incredible milestone. We’re three away from 20.
I’m looking forward to it, especially since the fan page on Facebook is coming closer to having 100 fans. Though not expected, the current direction is nothing but good for me and the venue that I started in 2006.
In terms of personal direction, I made a decision on future plans that I had made. It would have been cool to meet somebody for the first time in person and possibly meet new people that I’ve never encountered before.
However, I also came to realize that there’s a reason why I march to the beat of my own drum.
I do it, because it’s necessary. While I may have passions and interests in things that others have a passion and interest in, I’ve always been an individual at heart. Some moments, no matter how innocent, always act as the catalyst for these types of decisions.
Before I went on lunch Monday morning, I went into the system at work and cancelled the time off I had requested. It was approved by a member of management, which makes the decision unusual on my part. I asked off due to an upcoming baby shower.
Then a moment arrived that drove me to change my mind.
I noted in the past that I’m now better at being around small children. I came to the conclusion that I still didn’t want any of my own, but I seemed to have improved in the department of visiting friends and their family. Days ago, it happened.
I was on Facebook when a timeline review notification came up. My name had been tagged by a friend who is pregnant. She isn’t far off from her due date, hence the baby shower in August.
The moment that she said the name of her child in the post and indicated that they would like me (and others they tagged in separate posts) to say hello was the moment I realized that kids still aren’t my thing.
It was a reminder of why I appeared to be doing better regarding kids. Part of it is positive; they aren’t my kids, and are therefore not my responsibility. The other part is not so good.
I dim my emotions so that I can better handle those situations. I put up a front so that I don’t get to the point where I lose my mind. It also helps when certain kids are actually behaving themselves for the most part.
Granted, I can see myself mentoring them on a limited basis, but that’s as far as it will ever go. Beyond that, kids aren’t my thing. Therefore, it makes no sense for me to go to a baby shower if babies are not my thing.
To the person who invited me, I do appreciate the consideration. However, it’s not my thing. It never will be.
Though disappointment will be sure to follow, understand that I have to do my own thing and march to the beat of my own drum. It’s also selfish on my part, because I want to actually save those eight hours of personal time off for later, especially since they roll over from year to year.
As of the last paystub, I have 179.50 sick hours available. Once I reach 192, I get personal time instead. This September, I’ll get 16 additional hours of personal time.
That means I’ll have 24 hours of personal time before maxing out my sick time.
In addition to that, I’ll have three weeks of vacation. I plan on taking advantage of that in order to go to conventions as well as attend to other personal matters, such as visiting far away family members (something I haven’t done in a long time). Vacation is a use it or lose it proposition each year, whereas personal time is not.
It is selfish, but it’s of the needed variety.
With that said, I’ll be posting this and getting a nice long shower.