Jul 09

Change in Future Plans

Drum clipart.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to march to the beat of your own drum.

I started this at the tail end of my lunch break Monday morning.  I had to click “save draft,” so I could clock back in.

Needless to say, I ate dinner and went straight to bed when I got home.  I didn’t sleep well Sunday.

At least the latest podcast is ready for public consumption.  Seventeen episodes is an incredible milestone.  We’re three away from 20.

I’m looking forward to it, especially since the fan page on Facebook is coming closer to having 100 fans.  Though not expected, the current direction is nothing but good for me and the venue that I started in 2006.

In terms of personal direction, I made a decision on future plans that I had made.  It would have been cool to meet somebody for the first time in person and possibly meet new people that I’ve never encountered before.

However, I also came to realize that there’s a reason why I march to the beat of my own drum.

I do it, because it’s necessary.  While I may have passions and interests in things that others have a passion and interest in, I’ve always been an individual at heart.  Some moments, no matter how innocent, always act as the catalyst for these types of decisions.

Before I went on lunch Monday morning, I went into the system at work and cancelled the time off I had requested.  It was approved by a member of management, which makes the decision unusual on my part.  I asked off due to an upcoming baby shower.

Then a moment arrived that drove me to change my mind.

I noted in the past that I’m now better at being around small children.  I came to the conclusion that I still didn’t want any of my own, but I seemed to have improved in the department of visiting friends and their family.  Days ago, it happened.

I was on Facebook when a timeline review notification came up.  My name had been tagged by a friend who is pregnant.  She isn’t far off from her due date, hence the baby shower in August.

The moment that she said the name of her child in the post and indicated that they would like me (and others they tagged in separate posts) to say hello was the moment I realized that kids still aren’t my thing.

It was a reminder of why I appeared to be doing better regarding kids.  Part of it is positive; they aren’t my kids, and are therefore not my responsibility.  The other part is not so good.

I dim my emotions so that I can better handle those situations.  I put up a front so that I don’t get to the point where I lose my mind.  It also helps when certain kids are actually behaving themselves for the most part.

Granted, I can see myself mentoring them on a limited basis, but that’s as far as it will ever go.  Beyond that, kids aren’t my thing.  Therefore, it makes no sense for me to go to a baby shower if babies are not my thing.

To the person who invited me, I do appreciate the consideration.  However, it’s not my thing.  It never will be.

Though disappointment will be sure to follow, understand that I have to do my own thing and march to the beat of my own drum.  It’s also selfish on my part, because I want to actually save those eight hours of personal time off for later, especially since they roll over from year to year.

As of the last paystub, I have 179.50 sick hours available.  Once I reach 192, I get personal time instead.  This September, I’ll get 16 additional hours of personal time.

That means I’ll have 24 hours of personal time before maxing out my sick time.

In addition to that, I’ll have three weeks of vacation.  I plan on taking advantage of that in order to go to conventions as well as attend to other personal matters, such as visiting far away family members (something I haven’t done in a long time).  Vacation is a use it or lose it proposition each year, whereas personal time is not.

It is selfish, but it’s of the needed variety.

With that said, I’ll be posting this and getting a nice long shower.


  1. Tanya Mills

    Believe it or not, I am the same way about other people’s kids. My son was usually well behaved as a child, but at 17, I no longer have to worry about that. While I am obviously biased when it comes to AJ, I find other people’s kids irritating for the most part. I find that kids these days are extremely self-absorbed and spoiled. There’s absolutely no respect there for adults whatsoever. So I completely understand. I think it’s a good thing that you are aware of your stance on children and parenthood. Some people go ahead and have kids even though they don’t really want them, or realize later that they made a mistake and take it out on the kids. It’s a sad reality. I am glad to hear you are not going to fall into that trap. TM

    1. thomash2

      I felt like I was about to fall into one last year, which is why I ended a four month relationship that I was in. I realized that if I went through the whole marriage and family thing, that I wouldn’t be able to do the things I wanted to do. I know others may say that I could have done multiple things at once, but to me, it shouldn’t be done that way. For somebody like me, I would have to set aside my own identity for 18 years. That’s 18 years that I wouldn’t be able to pursue my dreams, because I would have to focus on raising a family, or risk being so overly distracted that any kids that come from me would lack stability.

      I had tried to remain open on the idea, but all it took was one single moment at a high school reunion to remind me that no, that isn’t what I want out of life. The other person dreamed of this since she was six. I researched over and over again, and came to the same conclusion that quite a few others have. When it comes to the decision of whether or not to have children, there shouldn’t be compromise. In other words, both parties need to be on the same page.

      While I couldn’t bring myself to the mindset of being a father, I also couldn’t deny the other person her dream. The only logical choice was to bring the relationship to a close so that the right person could come along for her. Today, she’s with a person that’s much better suited for her. She absolutely loves children, and the person she’s with has a son. It’s a win-win in this case.

      Just to clarify, I don’t hate kids. They’re just my thing, because I’m not the parenting type.

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